6th July 2025 | Written by Rebeca Johnson

When you hear the term "sex addiction," what image comes to mind? For many, it's a man grappling with out-of-control desires. But what if I told you that women, too, can experience compulsive sexual behaviours that feel anything but empowering? The truth is, behind closed doors, many women quietly question if their sex life is out of control.

Consider a wonderfully fabulous, hardworking single lady in her mid-30s. She works a 9-to-6 job, occasionally picking up extra shifts to pay the bills. With her long, glossy hair and curves that draw compliments, she feels good about herself. Most evenings after work, she goes home, cooks dinner, and relaxes in bed, often watching pornography. She genuinely enjoys her evening, sleeps well, and wakes feeling happy and content, ready to start a new day. Her porn use is a source of pleasure and relaxation, not distress.

Then, one morning on the train, scrolling through her phone, she stumbled upon an article claiming that pornography is inherently addictive and bad, demanding treatment for regular users. Suddenly, a seed of doubt was planted where only enjoyment had been.

While society often pushes narratives that don't reflect the full truth, for some women, the reality is far more complex. Their relationship with pornography, or sex in general, does become problematic. These are the women who might find themselves hyper-focusing on sexual content, neglecting friends and social outings, engaging in risky behaviours, or experiencing hygiene issues and physical discomfort due to their sexual patterns. Their sexual life, far from being a source of joy, begins to cause significant distress and disruption.

I was trained by a very knowledgeable Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist, Silva Neves (2021), whose work has greatly influenced my understanding. He reframes 'addiction' as Compulsive Sexual Behaviour (CSB). The valuable insight I gained from my training is to think of sexual patterns of behaviour like eating your favourite food. If you regularly eat the same food each night, and it brings you joy and satisfaction, where is the issue? There isn't one.

However, if you find yourself compulsively eating that same favourite food at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and impulsively throughout the day, then it's causing you distress, impacting your health, or interfering with your life, then perhaps it's time to explore those patterns.

If you find yourself relating more to the latter, feeling that your sexual behaviours are causing distress or negatively impacting your life, please know that you're not alone, and compassionate support is available. Reaching out is a brave first step, and I'm here to help you explore these patterns when you feel ready to do so.

Reach out today, if you would like to book in for a consultation.

References

CICS. (2025). cics-diploma-psychosexual-relationship-therapy. Retrieved from https://www.theinstituteofsexology.org/.

Neves, S. (2021). Compulsive Sexual Behaviour. A psycho-sexual treatment guide for Clinician.s. Oxen.: Routledge.